Thanking God at a Time of Death

[pocononaturist]

It has been a while since I have communicated with this online community. This year has been full of activity and busy-ness, and we've had more than our share of health issues.

Last Sunday, Dec. 4, my wife of 30 years, Kim, suddenly experienced serious problem in her brain. Doctors have not been able to determine if it was a stroke or something else, but the effects are the same. She was partially non-functional and her speech was slurred. In the ambulance on the way to the hospital, her heart stopped for about 20 minutes before they got her back. Once they got her to the hospital, it stopped twice more. From the time they revived her after the first arrest, she never moved on her own again. She was officially pronounced brain dead on Monday, Dec. 5 around 5pm. At that time, we had them remove the respiration tube and let her go.

I have always wondered what it would be like to lose a spouse. In my mind, I concluded that it would be of such a devastating nature that my own well-being would be in jeopardy. But I am here to tell you that God's grace is sufficient. I have slept soundly every night since her passing on to Glory. I've not experienced any emotional breakdowns or setbacks. God has enveloped me in a divine layer of comfort that I cannot explain.

In addition to His comfort to my soul, my family, my church family, and my circle of friends and acquaintances, have all rallied to support me during this time. God is good.

At her bedside just after we had the life support removed, realizing that in reality she was already gone to Heaven, I held her hand and closed my eyes. With my oldest daughter at my side, and my pastor and his wife nearby, I raised my head toward Heaven and prayed a simple prayer of acknowledgment to the Lord:

"O Lord, thank you for the many wonderful years together. Thank you for four beautiful children. Thank you for many wonderful memories. You're far better to me than I deserve."

I give praise to the Lord for His comfort, but also for many blessings, even in this sadness. For one thing, my wife was diabetic and beginning to suffer the slow decline in her health that would eventually lead to her death. She has just had a fistula installed in her arm so that in the months to come she could undergo dialysis. She was not looking forward to that in the least. Her heart was also weakening, which is probably why she had the arrests. But to go the way she did meant that she suffered very little at the time of leaving this world. For this, I am very thankful. To God be the glory.

[natman]

Michael,

Our hearts go out to you at the loss of your wife and closest friend of 30 years.

I agree 100%, to God be the glory, ALL the glory, forever and ever. However, even when we KNOW that our loved ones are now standing with the Lord and we would not want them to come back to this fallen world, there is a lonliness in waiting for God to finish with us so that we can be with them as well.

Thank you for including us in your circle of friends and may God richly bless you and your family while you wait to see your wife again in the New Heaven and the New Earth.

[jochanaan]

May God continue to make His presence felt for you, Michael. And know that we are here for you too.

[jimmy]

Michael,


Rest assured you WILL be united again.



"For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angeles, nor principalities, now powers, nor things present, nor things to come, Nor height, nor depth, now any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 8:38,39



My the Holy Spirit comfort you,



Jimmy

[New_Adventurer]

Your situation is very much like my own and I started to cry just half way through your posting. My wife passed away two years ago tomorrow, the 13th. She is in Heaven and I miss her terribly. I spent a year talking to my pastor prior to her death while she was in the hospital; saying it was like watching death in slow motion. She was just about well and then took a nap and did not wake up. A diabetic having dialysis is a long slow death. You have my deepest sympathy for your loss.


Get into a church-sponsored grief group tailored specifically for widows and widowers. Unforrunately, my son and daughter partially lost their father too. I just was not functional enough to comfort them. I carried around a roll of paper towels for face mops.



You will get worse before you get better. Take time to grieve, you need to. Give it a year, let someone else carry the load. Your true friends will understand. Take a second year if you want, no one will think less of you.



Several people asked me how I got through it. Simple answer, keep the faith. God knows your pain, share it.

[nudist2011]

Your situation is like mine my wife of 47 years died April 6, 2011. The hardest thing I ever did was to tell them take her off of the life support. That was not living now she's in eternal peace. Then on May 21, 2011 my mother died on my birthday. I still haven't got over the loss.
Since I've moved to Rome, NY to live with my daughter I'm finally getting some much needed sleep. Back in Wisconsin I was getting up about every 90 minutes.

Take care and God be with you.

Fred R.

[Walking Bare]

Thank You for sharing a true faith journey. Like you, I imagine the lose of my spouse would be devastating. It is good to hear a testamony of God's comfort even in the worst of times. My prayers are with you, that you will have opportunity to share this message of God's faithfulness.

[nuudman]

Thank you guys for your testimony. Havent lost a spouse and think i would just go numb for several weeks. However, when i lost my Dad after an illness i was actually relieved for him. He was truly miserable for almost 5 years. My mom, she committed suicide and the suddeness of her death affected me for many many years. Maybe the realization of their pain does mitigate the loss drastically. i cannot see how losing my Kim would not devastate me tho. She is my rock, my place of sanity in an insane world. i really never knew calm before her. i do realize tho that being with the Father is OUR HOME. It is where we will be forever.

Can you even fathom what it must be like there? Words would probably fail to describe the place!

[trumpetbuff]

Wow...a beautiful testimony of God's love. Thank you for sharing...I have prayed for continued peace, grace, and comfort for you and your family.

[natman]

I have been there at the passings of both of my grandmothers, my father in law and mother in law of my previous marriage, my mother, my father and my father in law of my current marriage. Some I KNOW I will see again and some I have some doubts. It still hurts, even though we are not saying "Goodbye", but "Until we meet again."

Last night, my dog passed away at almost twenty. Although she was not "family" in the strict, literal sense of the word, it is amazing how attached we become to these creatures and how much it hurts to see them go as well.

The Bible is silent on whether animals go to Heaven or into the New Earth, but I am hoping that they do so that we will be able to enjoy them forever along with our family and friends who accepted Christ as Lord and Saviour.

[jjsledge]

I wrote this about a year after my wife died.

What I Miss Most of All


Going to the beach for a walk on the sand,

Her gentle caress, the touch of her hand,

Her firm embrace,

The smile on her face,

The look in her eye

As I walked by,

Her presence near me as we lay on the bed,

The love we shared by the words that were said,

Those little things shared from day to day,

The love that grew between us, along the way.

Of all the things shared both great and small

It’s the little things I miss most of all.

Jerry Sledge 07/12/2010

[Djadja]

Hi Michael,

I have been married 30 years, and cannot imaging losing my best friend, partner, lover. But hearing how God has wrapped you in the comfort of His Spirit makes me thank Him for bringing me closer to Him, so that when my wife and I part, I know she will be in His arms. She went in for heart surgery this April, and just before they took her in her fear was not for herself, but for me. I would be feeling the same if it were me going in for surgery. I thank you, and New Adventurer, and Jerry, for sharing your experiences.

Rob, a.k.a. Djadja

[jude700]

Michael, You are in my prayers.

My landlady died while in my care. Had come home after a caregiver meeting to find her going into a coma. EMT was contacted, and she was brought to a hospital and placed on life support, with a growing brain tumor. Even though she had a living will and her blood vessels kept collapsing, they kept her on life support, until she was transferred to another hospital. She was IV fed directly through a carotid artery until that too collapsed, then she was left on her own for about two days. We spoke a few times before she finally died peacefully.

She had her legs amputated and her stomach stapled a few years before she died. She was dependent on me for for personnel care and bathing.

A few Januarys ago my MIL died. She woke during the night and had to be lifted back into bed. My wife went to check after we got up later in the morning, and started screaming, "She's gone, she's gone, she's gone." Failing to understand my wife thought one of our pets had gone out until Sandy calmed a little and brought me into the bedroom where her mom was half out of bed. She was placed back in bed and EMT was called. And then the rest of the family. We miss her. Sandy has retreated since then.

Fail to know how many have like stories, but there is a time to share.

[pocononaturist]

Thank you all for your kind words, and for your prayers on my behalf.

God continues to comfort me daily and has blessed me with the presence of family. Our oldest daughter, divorced and having a 7-year-old, moved back in with us this past June. Little did I know that this was the Lord preparing to take Kim out of our lives.

My daughter Emily has been a great help during this time. I am almost never alone. She was at my side through all of the agonizing hours at the hospital, there as we made final arrangements, there at my wife's graduation service, and there at the grave side.

And now that the work of dealing with Kim's belongings and getting back into a regular routine has commenced, she is there still. She and her daughter have been great company through all of this.

On Christmas Day, our family was together. And there were some friends who called personally, just to check up. They said they wanted to make sure I wasn't alone on that day.

God is good.

[Bare_Truth]

Two years ago my oldest son died at the age of 37. He had a condition that the Doctor's seemed unable to diagnose or do more than try with poor results to treat the symptoms. The cause was never named, they only described the symptoms. For several years he had sever swelling in the legs, more in one than the other. Then his blood pressure became uncontrollable and fairly quickly destroyed his kidneys. He had put up with a substantial discomfort but the doctor's were of little help. At his last visit to the doctor, the doctor did not give him any real hope but still wanted to rush him off to the ICU. He refused, he told the doctor,"I do not want to spend my last days incarcerated in the ICU I will go home to my family!".

The Doctor put him on hospice care and told him he would have about a week. I found out and my wife and I drove for two days and got there about 8 days before he died. He actually lasted nearly 2 weeks. He remained fully coherent and weak but fairly functional on hospice care until about the last 3 days when the amount of pain medication required for effectiveness pretty much had him asleep all the time. My wife and I and his wife and 4 daughters (ages 1 to 12) and his step son were all there with him.

The terrible part was that the cult he was in had prohibited him from contact with us for the previous 3 to 4 years for fear that we would corrupt his belief. They would make allowance for such a family emergency but nearly reneged on that except we came so swiftly.

The emotional bomb really hit at his memorial service several days later. I was devastated. I am not totally over it yet. But what little time we had at the end was of good quality. He met his end with courage and equanimity. The grieving period was not helped when his wife told us that after the memorial service that things had to go back the way they were and we would not have contact with our granddaughters. Fortunately he had very good health and life insurance through his company and his widow and children are not in want.

He was a good son and a good father. It is regrettable that it took death to break him away from that cult.