Prayers for my Wife and our journey

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Re: Prayers for my Wife and our journey

Postby jochanaan » Mon Apr 20, 2009 4:12 pm

Keyman, although I have been divorced myself, I still feel that no marriage should be ended unless there's adultery or abuse or the marriage is intolerable in some other way. But it sounds as if you both need help. Now. Do not delay.

First, pray. Ask God for wisdom and strength. Then, find someone you trust and tell him (or her if it's a professional counselor, but beware of sharing too much with women friends at this point; the last thing you want is to be drawn into an affair!) what's really going on. Perhaps he can advise you whether the marriage is broken or healable. And if you can, even before that, open your heart to your mate. Be gentle, but honest, and don't lay any blame on her even if you feel she's at fault.

(It may be that she will say something like "This is famly stuff; I don't want you talking to anyone else about it!" But there comes a point where you need help to stay together. It can be scary! You have to let yourself listen to what your friends say; that's part of seeking help. Why ask for help and then reject what is offered? Don't let yourself become isolated, and don't try to prevent her from seeking the same sort of help you're seeking. In fact, encourage it!)

:pray: Father God, help our brother get the help he and his lady need to heal their marriage, in Jesus' name; Amen. :pray:
You can live your life in fear--or you can live your life.
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Re: Prayers ...

Postby keyman1202 » Tue Apr 21, 2009 9:44 am

(Well.. obviously counsel didn't save your marriage... )

I get so mad at all these divorces... everyone locking each other out..so they cant steal more of there earthly crap.....


Divorce is not a Biblical solution....
'For the hardness of the heart' it was permitted in O.T.
-Merlin

"When one door of happiness closes, another opens, but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us." -Hellen Keller
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Re: Prayers for my Wife and our journey

Postby firefighter » Tue Apr 21, 2009 12:18 pm

And counseling may not save your marriage but at least you can say you tried. It's just too easy to give up.
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Re: Prayers for my Wife and our journey

Postby natman » Tue Apr 21, 2009 12:29 pm

firefighter wrote:And counseling may not save your marriage but at least you can say you tried. It's just too easy to give up.

But in Christ we know that we can do all things... Phil 4:13. :dance:
SON-cerely,
Nathan Powers

Get exposed to the sun, and get exposed to the Son.
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Re: Prayers for my Wife and our journey

Postby Hymie » Tue Apr 21, 2009 12:38 pm

The movie, "Fireproof" has been mentioned on this site before. I have seen it with my wife since reading about it here. It might be a good idea for you to watch it with your spouse.

Marriage is often seen as a 50-50 proposition but it is not. That marriage will not work. My 50% will seem as 30% to her and likewise her 50% seems 30% to me so we are left with a perceived 40% deficiency. Marriage requires all three kinds of love. Eros (sexual), for sure, phileo ( you spouse should also be your best friend) too, but mostly it requires agape - Love that seeks the good of the one loved without requiring anything in return.

When I give 100% (which my spouse perceives as 70%) and my spouse gives 50% (which I perceive as 30%) we still have a perceived 100%. The good thing is that, over time you will see your spouse giving more and more.

When I give 100% (which my spouse perceives as 70%) and my spouse gives 100% (which I perceive as 70%) we then have a perceived overlap of 40%. That marriage works every time. It is the old paradox. The more I require, the less I get. But the more I give the more I get.
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Re: Prayers ...

Postby jochanaan » Tue Apr 21, 2009 3:24 pm

keyman1202 wrote:(Well.. obviously counsel didn't save your marriage... )

No it didn't. But as firefighter says, I gave it everything I could.
natman wrote:But in Christ we know that we can do all things... Phil 4:13. :dance:

We can--but "It takes two to tango." :? If one partner is reluctant, or arrogant enough to demand everything his/her way, and refuses to give everything except on his/her own terms, then the marriage is doomed--if not to divorce, then to constant unhappiness. :cry:
You can live your life in fear--or you can live your life.
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Re: Prayers ...

Postby natman » Tue Apr 21, 2009 4:47 pm

jochanaan wrote:"It takes two to tango." :? If one partner is reluctant, or arrogant enough to demand everything his/her way, and refuses to give everything except on his/her own terms, then the marriage is doomed--if not to divorce, then to constant unhappiness. :cry:



Unfortunately I agree. In fact, I have been there, bought the tee-shirt... and the hat... burned them both.

:argh:



But then, God turned around and blessed me far more than I would ever have imagined. I had to wait 28 years, but it was worth the wait.
SON-cerely,
Nathan Powers

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