My In-Laws

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My In-Laws

Postby arom » Sun Jul 29, 2007 5:21 pm

Ok - in my house with my immediate family I am nude virtually all the time I am at home.

However, for the past two years my in-laws have stayed with us for six months during the winter. They spend the other six months with their son. For a number of reasons, it is likely they will start living here nine months of the year starting this next fall.

My wife has talked to my mother-in-law about my clothes free nature and in compromise she understands that upstairs in the house I am probably naked. Since she sleeps in the guest room upstairs she has seen me nude plenty of times over the past two years. My father-in-law stays downstairs due to his health. While he has seen me at the top of the stairs nude he does not quite know the extent of my lifestyle.

I like being nude; given the chance I would be nude all the time inside and outside. For now, with just my immediate family I am nude all the time at home or in my backyard. The issue is when my in-laws return I am sure my wife will insist on returning to the policy of my being naked upstairs and out-of-sight.

My wife accepts the truth that nudity is not sexual. She knows God made Adam and Eve naked and they were not ashamed. But, in the grand scheme of things she does not share my urge to go naked. Not that she hides anything from our children, they have all seen her nude in and around our bedroom, but she just does not like the idea of dressing only in her birthday suit as I do.

When my mother-in-law does see me naked she does not run away, but she will turn her head and talk to me sideways. I really want to maintain my current lifestyle of general nudity at home, but do not know the best way to approach this with my wife and her parents.

One thing I am going to insist on is allowing me to use our treadmill nude. I run/walk every morning downstairs on our treadmill nude. At this point I cannot imagine running with clothes on again. If my father-in-law cannot handle my nudity I will suggest he not come into the family room between 0530 and 0700 in the morning.

Any suggestions/advice or similar experiences are greatly appreciated. I do not want to create a stumbling block for my wife or her parents - while at the same time I pray to continue to enjoy the chance to be nude as much as I can.
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Postby jochanaan » Sun Jul 29, 2007 7:33 pm

Are your folks Christians, arom? Do they believe in the Bible? If so, then you could start with the easily verified fact that there is no general command against social nudity in Scripture...
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But it's my house!

Postby Jim1000 » Sun Jul 29, 2007 7:41 pm

Arom:

I have enjoyed reading your past posts. You have written quite a bit in a short period of time. Good to have you aboard.

There are many ways I could respond to your dilemma, but I will try to take the most practical approach possible, putting myself in your shoes (or in your barefeet at home). I think I am in a somewhat similar situation.

Seems to me there is more to satisfactorily resolving this challenge than simply leaning on home ownership. For instance, you are inviting your in-laws to be your guests even if you feel you must for whatever obligatory reasons. This means making the home theirs in some sense of the word while they reside with you. There is also the issue of respect for their age and station as the parents.

So, I would encourage you and your wife to discuss all of your requests/expectations with them BEFORE they return this autumn. Hopefully they will agree to your terms, but they may ask for some consideration as well. For instance, your MIL may ask that you not address her straight on while you're naked; grabbing a towel while in close proximity to a non-nudist guest seems to me to be respectful and mature. Bottom line is, although it certainly is your house, you are inviting others to share with you and this definitely means compromise, which I realize you are already doing, much to your credit. It's a little like when my teenage daughter comes downstairs at night to the computer room when I may be naked after a shower and reading CNV posts. I cover up before she comes into the room since my nudity displeases her. I don't ask her to agree or practice with me in the home, nor do I wear clothes every moment, but instead I find what I believe is a loving, respectful middle ground. I think this is the essence of successfully living in family/community.

Best wishes for a good outcome with the in-laws. Please tell us about your name.
Jim
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Postby nudjohn » Sun Jul 29, 2007 9:13 pm

I agree with Jim.... discuss with the whole family and find some common ground and come to an agreement in terms of when to and not to be free from the bondage of cotton. If your MIL is offended, let there be a common time she knows to expect you nude and when you will, for her comfort and respect, be confined. Work together on an agreement with love and respect. Don't try to force the issue. In time, they may join you.
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Postby arom » Sun Jul 29, 2007 10:34 pm

My mother in law is not offended. She accepts me as I am and just moves on. The comments of keeping something handy to cover up is a great idea.

The past two years I have done my best to be nude only upstairs when my in-laws are there and she it ok with that as long as I don't jump up in front of her and start shaking things. She understands my desire to remain unclothed. Just as her daughter does even if the two of them like wearing those uncomfortable things.

It is really more my father-in-law. While he has seen me upstairs at the stairwell, everyone assumes he would never approve of the idea so no one has ever talked to him.

Everyone involved is a Christian. I have talked a lot with my wife on the subject of Christian Naturism and a little with my mother-in-law about Adam and Eve and 1 & 2 Genesis - specificity Gen. 1:31 " God saw all that He had made, and it was very good. Evening came, and then morning: the sixth day" (HCSB). She does not have trouble with my nudity, just as long as I do not push it on her.

I guess the best thing to do at this point is simply talk to my father-in-law and my wife when they return next winter. While I have enjoyed nudity at home with my immediate family for years, this is the first summer my wife has actually encouraged it. She understands how it makes me feel. It is because of that I do not want to lose this new found freedom when my in-laws come home. I kind of like disrobing in the kitchen as soon as I get home no matter how long I might be there. I like sunning in the back yard or skinny-dipping with my kids in the kiddy pool. All things that will shut down when the in-laws come down unless the situation changes.

I also really really like running on my treadmill nude. The family and I are going to a campground we went to a few years back, it has some good trails to jog nude on, I am looking forward to that. However, if I do not broach the subject with my father-in-law, he will be in for a great surprise when he wakes up to find me nude on the treadmill in the room next door every morning.

I will also need to talk to my wife and her mom to see just how far I can go with my new found freedom. Last year I showed up in the familyroom naked after my father-in-law went to be, and although it took my wife 30 minutes or so to notice (she is used to it by now) when she did notice she insisted I put on the shorts I was sitting on in deference to her mom. I honestly thing her mom would be ok with my nudity after she got used to it. As I have said before she is ok with it when she runs into me in the hallway or elsewhere upstairs.

Keep me in prayer for my wife (I pray one day she will join me in simple household nudity) for my mother-in-law (that she will accept me as I am as my wife does now) and my father-in-law (that I can talk to him in Christian friendship and convince him it is ok for me to remain naked in my home).

Thanks for all the advice so far. I suspect my best choice is to sit all the adults around down stairs and talk to all of them at once. I still have a few months until they return, I will keep you all posted.

(note: I have posted a lot 'cause I have a lot of questions - I have been reading the Fig Leaf Forum for years, but this is the first board I have joined and read - thank you all for being who you are)

In His Service
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Re: But it's my house!

Postby arom » Sun Jul 29, 2007 10:50 pm

Jim1000 wrote:Arom:

Seems to me there is more to satisfactorily resolving this challenge than simply leaning on home ownership. For instance, you are inviting your in-laws to be your guests even if you feel you must for whatever obligatory reasons. This means making the home theirs in some sense of the word while they reside with you. There is also the issue of respect for their age and station as the parents..


It is very important to me that my in-laws think of this as their home. In the long run, for their health and other issues, I would like for them to live here at least 9 months out of the year instead of six.

You can see my dilemma. As a 46 six year old home nudist I am very comfortable with the way things are right now this summer with only my wife and kids around. Four people that could care less what daddy is or is not wearing.

Thanks for the advice. As I just said, I have a few months to think about how to approach this.

BTW: Arom is Hebrew for naked.
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Postby natman » Mon Jul 30, 2007 9:38 am

Arom (I still like that name),

Since you MIL seems okay or at least tolerant or your home nudity, have you considered asking her if she has talked to your FIL or if she would talk to him about it? If nothing else, it might open up a channel of communication. He may be just as curious as you once were, but intimidated by the prospect of being naked in front of others, even in his own family.
SON-cerely,
Nathan Powers

Get exposed to the sun, and get exposed to the Son.
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Postby Desert Hiker » Mon Jul 30, 2007 4:54 pm

BTW; I may have missed this somewhere, so forgive me if I am, but are you the ONLY one in the entire household who goes nude, or nearly so, in their presence?

I know your wife is reluctant, yet supportive, and I know you have described her being nude around the children in and around the bathroom, and bedroom occasionally without complaint--but are the children also inclined to go romping about nude, or are they reluctant to be seen nude around grandma and grandpa? Or, have you, or your wife told them to be dressed around them??

If the kids would like this freedom as well, it is more of an issue of what is acceptable, and preferred by everyone--not just a case of your own "selfish desire"?

Until you get the support of the wife and kids here, and you are not the only odd one who wants to roam about naked, you may have to surrender this freedom during their stay.
Peace In Christ, Sam

Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked I will depart...--Job
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Postby nudjohn » Mon Jul 30, 2007 10:44 pm

Talk with your wife first about talking to the in-laws. A house divided shall not stand.
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Postby arom » Tue Jul 31, 2007 3:51 am

I have four months until my in-laws return. In those four months I'd expect my wife and I will learn a lot.

Desert Hiker might be correct in saying I may have to go textile while they are here (or at least the same arrangement I have had in the past). While my kids enjoy nudity from time to time, they do not go naked all of the time. My kids have been naked in front of my in-laws and no one has said anything -- but when they are that young and innocent why would a normal person say anything?

At this point I am going to continue to pray for my wife's understanding. At the end of four months we shall observe how my household is going and make a determination of how to approach my in-laws. If they were only coming for a short time the decision is easy, my children and I could just wear clothes, but since they are staying 6 to 9 months...

After yesterday, my wife has said she intends to read the "Fig Leaf Forum." I gave her the website and my passcode. At some point I pray to introduce her to this board. While she knows I visit Christian Naturist Websites, she does not know the extent. Nudjohn correctly stated:

Talk with your wife first about talking to the in-laws. A house divided shall not stand.


I need to let her make her own decision based on Scripture. She just finished her Associate's in Biblical Studies from the same school I teach at. She is continuing with her Bachelor's in Christian Education and is starting next year to teach at my children's school -- which brings up another issue -- if it were discovered we were nudists, I would expect our church's school to fire her and for the church to attempt to discipline us if not toss us on the street. I really want the kids to go to that school (My son is starting 1st grade and my girls are going to K4 at the end of August).

I need to continue to talk to my wife about raising children in a Christian Naturist household and pray. If this turns out to only be a selfish desire on my part I may have to rethink my positions. My wife does completely agree that the "sexual" nudity in american culture is damaging to our kids and has no problem with them going nude, but at the same time the kids sense her unease and dress accordingly. Her body image is such I do not expect her to ever go naked in front of her parents.

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Postby jochanaan » Tue Jul 31, 2007 10:51 am

arom wrote:...Her body image is such I do not expect her to ever go naked in front of her parents.

Then we all need to pray for her body image, since I suspect that's at the root of her reluctance. "I will praise thee, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made..." but how few people, especially women, feel that in their hearts today. :cry:
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Postby natman » Tue Jul 31, 2007 10:51 am

I would recommend that you begin the conversations with your wife as soon as reasonable to give her time to put everything into perspective BEFORE your inlaws show up. It sounds like that process is already in progress since she has agreed to review the FigLeaf Forum.

Also, your concerns about your wife's job may be well founded, however several others have gone through this very process only to find that things were not as grim as imagined. On person to talk to is MatthewNeal. He could probably give you some really good advise.

My wife and I have been as open as reasonable with our fellow Christians and family about our spending "naked time". We don't go running through the church shouting "We are NUDISTS!!!", but we are both prepared to defend the naked human body when and if the topic comes up. I think most of our close friends know our position and we have never been called on the table for it... not so much as s sideways glance, except from my father, who had an addiction to internet porn. His attiude was not condemning, but more joking about the fact that such strong Christians could enjoy a simple nude lifestyle. Like many, he could not separate nudity from sexuality.

If there's anything we can do aside from prayer, which I am certain many in this group are already involved on your behalf, please don't hesitate to ask.
SON-cerely,
Nathan Powers

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Postby Alfie » Fri Aug 10, 2007 11:48 pm

The issue relating to your associations with the school and them knowing of your naturism is a very real problem.
What we need is strong and documented evidence that naturism is a way to protect our kids from the wiles of sexuality in our society (as we have often hypthosesised or reasoned that it is). Is there good research into this? If we had a paper that advocated naturism as a way of life that would 'condition' our children in such a way as to insulate them or to keep them away from the lure of sexual nudity and porn etc.. then we would have strong justification for at practising naturism at least within the privacy of our own homes. So that friends and church family would be able to see that we had a good, reasonable and honorable reason to live the naturist way of life at home.
Don't be conformed to this world but be transformed by the renewal of your mind
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My Father-in-law...

Postby arom » Mon Aug 13, 2007 7:58 am

I have learned some more about my fil and suspect it is better to simply leave things the way they are. From discussions with my wife and through her my wife mom, it is apparent that my fil is never going to see things my/our way. Although he professes to be a Christian (I have talked with him repeatedly and he knows the right answers), he is a very carnal Christian. Carnal to the point he is just plain mean at times.

To him the correlation between sex and nudity is so strong he could never change that.

Therefore, in the long run, when they return it will be shorts downstairs and nothing upstairs as it has been in the past.

Not sure about my kids - they are liking nudity on their own. My wife and I allow them to wear what they want (or to not wear what they want) and I suspect we will continue to do so when the in-laws return in December.

My wife lately has been nude more upstairs then she has in the past, but she tells me she simply does not like to go naked full-time. When she is nude it is never longer than a few minutes.

Things are good now. I continue to covet prayer and will pray for my wife and family to understand "Good Nudity."
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Postby jochanaan » Mon Aug 13, 2007 9:52 am

Of course we'll pray. :pray:
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