Teaching Daughters Modesty

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Teaching Daughters Modesty

Postby minister72 » Sat Jun 20, 2009 9:24 pm

My wife and I have been discussing and struggling with the best and most effective way to teach our daughters modesty. They are between 5 and 10 and are highly observant of the way other girls, teens, and young women dress. We haven't introduce them to naturism outside of our family. We want them to have a healthy understanding of themselves and do not want to bring undo attention to them. Growing up in the church, their are a lot of strong opinions about modesty. We want them to understand the biblical idea of modesty, more toward appropriateness and not drawing excessing attention to oneself, but not become legalistic either.

Several in our community of faith are big on one piece swimwear. Others have no problem with two-piece. We have friends on both sides, but primarily the ones on the two-piece side have only sons, no daughters. It is different when you have daughters, apparently. I'm saying it is right, just that, based on what we have observed, it changes perspective more frequently. And I am keenly aware that revealing swimwear is often more distracting than nothing.

We have discussed talking and teaching about this with the girls and allowing them to have swimwear that is appropriate within each context. My wife is concerned they will still talk about it with the one-piece friends or parents. This is likely, but could also be a condition for them.

This has become more pressing for us as recently the oldest daughter told my wife it wasn't fair my wife could have and wear a two-piece while they had to wear a one. She agreed that it was hypocrital of her. She has been looking for a one-piece, but is having a lot of difficulty find one that is not either designed for older women or cut in such a way there is very little making it one piece.

I just thought I would drop the issue here for help in working through it. We are open to any advice. I apologize for making this a little long, but I will be away from a computer for the next several days and want to try to answer as many questions as I could in raising this issue. Thanks to everyone for your thoughts and advice.
Grace and Peace,

1 Cor 1:18 - A Professor once said when hearing or discovering a new truth in scripture, before fully considering it, I look for the paradox. I have found naturism to be a great paradox and fully biblical.
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Re: Teaching Daughters Modesty

Postby Ramblinman » Sun Jun 21, 2009 12:17 am

minister72 wrote:...We haven't introduce them to naturism outside of our family. We want them to have a healthy understanding of themselves and do not want to bring undo attention to them.


As I see it, your decision to avoid socializing with other naturist families deprives your daughters of the very peers they will need to develop a "healthy understanding of themselves". Please reconsider. In the next year or two the oldest one will begin sexual awareness and she must have firsthand knowledge of other girls her age who live the life she does or she will suspect that her family is not normal. Her textile schoolmates will inadvertently be working against everything your family stands for.
If I understand your concern about not drawing attention by attending naturist resorts or campgrounds. You are already nude at home, I don't see how visiting a naturist resort from time to time make your family secret more subject to exposure. If your daughters don't tell their classmates about home nudity now, what is it about naturist parks that would make them suddenly want to tell everyone that they went to a campground and everyone was naked there?

As for one piece vs. two piece bathing suits, one piece suits are probably more comfortable and practical in rough surf, but right now she's all about looking like Mommy in a two-piece. I would not pick that hill to die on. If she insists on two-piece, your wife can help her find one that is age-appropriate and not designed to be flirty.

Allow me to share a vignette from my childhood: I used to swim with my family in a private pool with several other families. One of the girls who was a regular there never wore a top, only a bikini bottom and she played happily with the other girls and boys and it never was an issue. I thought nothing of it at the time, but a few years later I realized that what I had accepted without question was not too common. This girl was a late bloomer, but she was probably somewhere between 11 and 12 and still not wearing a top. My family dropped our membership in the pool club, so I saw no more of her. American society being what it is, I imagine that her top-free days were probably soon to end. I am glad she had as much freedom as she did for as long as she did.
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Re: Teaching Daughters Modesty

Postby justthinking » Sun Jun 21, 2009 2:04 am


I thought I would reply since we are dealing with this, too, and seeming to get past it in some ways.

Our older daughter has chosen not to participate in any nudity at home, but seems to be accepting of those who do. But the whole modesty thing actually becomes a little "clearer" when you understand that the immodesty is really about attitude and heart in the way that you are wearing clothes or swimsuits...

So - we have actually allowed "2 pieces" - but more of the kind that are not bikinis but cover most or some of their tummy. That seemed to satisfy the desire to wear a 2-piece - but also was so much more comfortable for them.

However, we are friends with a group of people who have to wear one-pieces and some of them even wear shorts or shirts over their suits all the time. That has caused my daughters to wonder if they should, too - but not because they felt the needed for modesty's sake - but just in deference to them. I think it's been so helpful to them because they know that they can wear whatever they want swimming...but if they decide for a bikini or any suit - they can tell when they put it on how it makes them feel and if it seems like it is more attractive for sexual appeal, then they don't choose that one.

I guess I'm trying to say that you can teach your children about modesty - let them have a couple of suits...and then they can dress appropriately for the company that they are swimming with. They have learned to be "modest" in their attitude and that is really what we are trying to teach...

Hope this makes some sense to you...

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Re: Teaching Daughters Modesty

Postby robbbie » Mon Jun 29, 2009 3:33 pm

minister72, take a look at ' tankini ' swimsuits
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