I came to faith as a young child and learned all the right theology. While I was in the service, I became addicted to porn, something I still struggle with today. I sowed my wild oats for a season. Through the years, I was a faithful church attender, even serving as a Deacon in one church, and an Elder in another, but my life didn't always match my theology. I still hadn't truly come to an understanding of God's grace. From my upbringing, I still lived a performance-based life. Sure I looked good and smelled good, but there was a rotten apple under the skin. I "did it my way" for too many years.
I can't pinpoint a date or a time when I finally came to understand that my salvation is ALL of Him. Before His holy throne, I am a naked wretch. Only Christ's mantle of righteousness makes me acceptable before a holy God. I can't bring anything of my own to present to Him to merit one nano-second's worth of His favor. I know that I must strip myself of all my pretenses before God. I daily have to give up my struggle to satisfy God, and allow Him to do His perfect work in me.
Through four marriages...the first ending with the death of my wife, and two divorces and now a separation, God has never, ever forsaken me. He has been totally faithful, even when everyone else has been totally faithless. Do I still struggle? Absolutely, and I will struggle with self until the moment I take my last breath, unless He returns before then. Then every tear will be dried...every hurt healed, and every relationship made right.
One quick example before I close... In 2011, I applied for my Social Security disability, because my body was giving out on me. Conventional wisdom says that Social Security takes their own sweet time in awarding disability, and often rejects applicants on their first attempt. I was only 55, so I figured I would be no different. Even my disability physical didn't look promising. There was only on thing I could do, and that was to leave it in the Lord's hands. I knew the deck was stacked against me because I only had one card. When I filed my application, I handed my card to the Lord, and asked Him to play it as He saw fit. Just over 90 days later, I was awarded my disability, complete with back-pay. Social Security didn't stand a chance against Almighty God.
HIS amazing grace and absolute faithfulness humble me to only be able to say "Thank you Lord!".
Thank you for this opportunity to tell my story!
God bless
Steve
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